It's definitely showing that I read Gawker too much. I read the following article by David Langlieb about the Polish residents of Greenpoint, Brooklyn, and immediately wanted to nominate the author to the Douchebag Hall of Fame (DHOF). The Sun had something to say about it, but I am just amazed at his delusional sense of white-man's burden, although I didn't think that was possible in relation to other white people (the Polish who live in Greenpoint Brooklyn). If you're not making me laugh, Langlieb, you're making me cry. I get that it's supposed to be super clever, but it really wasn't; hence my literalist interpretation of all the things you wrote. Sorry if this makes me seem naive.

Let's break this article down.
Let's start at the end.

"I dream of a Greenpoint where Banana Republic is open all night, where groceries
are ordered over the Internet, and where the churches are converted to mixed-use
parking facilities. Mine is a Greenpoint of the future, sensitive to the desires
of its residents who so desperately need a racquet club and driving
range."

Langlieb is just a yuppie, and if given the chance, would yuppify the whole world; he just hasn't learned to be ashamed of it yet and to hide his ambitions to homogenize one of the last real ethnic enclaves of which Greenpoint is a great example. Go back to New Jersey if you want to go to Banana Republic--they are already ubiquitous as it is. (and do you really need to shop at Banana Republic at 3 in the morning?)

Second, he wants to raise his children "amidst lawyers and investment bankers." Well, Langlieb obviously cares nothing about giving his kids any moral values. Of course, these kids would learn their sense of commitment to social improvement (read: eugenics) from their dear old gentrifying dad.

Third, this guy has a classic case of martyr complex.

"Sure, I could move to SoHo or the Upper East Side like some of my fellow
Haverford graduates who care only about themselves. But those places have
already been saved and they don’t need my help. "

I am so glad SOMEONE around here has taken it upon his shoulders (it is a burden, isn't it?) to single-handedly push all those nasty Polish people out of Greenpoint so that everything can be in your language for God's sake. (“some of the signs aren’t even in English”)

"While the community has several problems, most of them come back to the high
density of Polish people infesting its rowhouses."